I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
