I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
