Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
