I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
