ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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