Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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