well I can't set my house on fire every night
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
