Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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