i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
