So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
