I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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