I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
