Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
