He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
