I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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