Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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