so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
