OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
