when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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