i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
