Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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