you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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