my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
