I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
