It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
