Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
