Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
