if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
