Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
