I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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