after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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