they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
