okay pat passed out under dana's car
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
