When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
