Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
