She is in my trunk
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
