went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Pooping to opera.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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