words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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