The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I want her autograph on my taint
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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