My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
