Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
