I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
