Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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