his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
