Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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