I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just want nice things and good sex
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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