I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
