I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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