the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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