easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
